let me set the scene

It’s around five on Friday. It’s tipping it down outside and I don’t have a coat or umbrella so I’m stuck in Cafe Nero with my essay until it stops. I’ve been here for about an hour and a half. One flat white and a bottle of coke later I’m 3052 words into my essay and about three quarters of the way through what I want to say. However, I’m bored of scrabbling over the right words, so I’ve decided to write this post until the rain stops and I can leave Nero and head to work. Oh yeah, I have work in an hour and I haven’t eaten dinner yet.

This essay feels a bit like my life at the moment. I’m constantly working on it, going back to it and re-editing the same bits, but realistically not getting any further. I’ve been auditioning, and getting nowhere. Crying occasionally, eating a lot of chocolate and working my butt off all of Easter holidays because I’m skint, and have no idea what I’m doing with my life past July 9th.

Nevertheless, I’ve enjoyed these weeks. Finally feeling like an adult. Over the last three weeks or so, I got a new part time job, had about four days off and bought new work wear. I’ve had friends stay over, made a rushed trip back to my parents for Easter weekend and felt like there’s never enough time to do laundry or washing up. If this is all life is after graduating, I think I’ll be strangely happy. I’ve been working predominately in the evening which means I’ve been able to do company class with Phoenix for a week, go the gym and have beautiful lay ins, and still clock nearly 40 hours if I want.

I like it. I feel productive. I’m currently wearing a brand new white shirt (a TK Maxx steal) and forgone my contact lenses for my glasses. I feel grown up, mature and not like a student- although really I should have brought a coat into town today..

When I first started my degree I couldn’t imagine not getting a performing job straight away. The idea of not dancing was greeted with sadness and disdain. Yet priorities change. In my job interview two weeks ago I was asked what my goal in life was, and I realised that it wasn’t dance orientated. I simply want to start building a home for myself- probably in cheap rented accommodation, but something that is mine. Everything has a history: where I bought it, how much it is, why it’s sat on that shelf. Mundane. Ordinary. But really quite delightful.

It’s still raining, and I’m going to have to make a break for it soon. What a rookie error to not bring a coat. My glasses are going to get all steamy and wet, and I won’t be able to see.

Out of the storm and into the sunlight,

hopefully,

sometime soon.

One Reply to “let me set the scene”

  1. Keep positive sweetheart – 3 auditions still to go. Something will work out. Do you remember how I was when I was looking for my first teaching job…. rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection, no response, no response and out of the blue … Stowmarket. I know it hurts but somehow things work out in the end. If you had a crystal ball and could look into the future you would be able to see that I’m right … but you can so you just have to keep working through the painful process. Did you decide to keep or return your scarf? Love you lots Mum

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